Bad Idea T-shirts

Bad Idea T-shirts provided a bit of joy this weekend. Our society has been criticized for getting its wisdom from bumper stickers and T-shirts. This post isn't going to help.  The graphics aren't particularly good, but I liked some of what I saw:

"Some people are like Slinkies: They aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it?

"DADD: Dads Against Daughters Dating - Shoot the first one and the word gets around"

Is this is a corollary to Dan Hedaya's line in Clueless? IMDB lists the quote as "Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you." I prefer the way I remember it: "I've got a .45 and a shovel. I know how to use both."

And while stumbling through the quotes for Clueless I tripped over this exchange:
 
Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What's seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows.



When I sent a friend in western Virginia the "paddle faster" image he responded that it was a common bumper stickers around there.  It made him nervous.

One-of-a-kind Excursions

A link from ThrillList lead me to Excursionist™which promises "Travel tailored to your passions".

There's a lure for some, but not for me.  While others dream of schussing down remote peaks, horseback safaris, going on archeological disks, I still fantasize that someday I'll have enough time to read the NY Times every day and make headway against my to-read list.

Camel adventures in the Sahara, Holi in Jaipur, dog sledding in Norway, and on.  It's got to be my sour outlook that squashed the appeal of travel.  The fill-in parts of traveling - making reservations, arrangements, waiting here and waiting there, the parts that are not in the snapshots - seem so off putting.

I love to hear about my brother's experiences, climbing rickety stairs to the best noodle shop in Dam Ca Na or consulting on new restaurants in Japan, or my former kennel boy explaining the difficulty of bus travel in Java and the wilting heat on the Arabian peninsula - all great stories, to hear, but not something I want to do.

For those who still have money and need something to talk about it should be great.  I'm content to read about it in the times.

Oh, just remembered: the only time I felt a strong need to travel was way back when I was a freshman in college.  It was a speech class, a guy in Air Force ROTC was giving a talk about the wonders of Bermuda, with pink sandy beaches, warm tropical breezes, and crystal clear water.  He had a travel posted taped to the wall.  Outside the wind was howling, lashing snow against the windows.  Yeah, I wanted to be in Bermuda. 
The feeling has past.

Do Not Wash or Play

I picked up a hat on the street today which has unique care instructions.  (The white line is an artifact of the office scanner.)

What happens if the hat is washed?  Can parents be charged with endangering the welfare of child if the child starts waving the hat around?  Should I destroy the hat lest it fall into the wrong hands?

Life used to be so simple.

I emailed this along to a friend who surprised me with a reply which was more thoughtful than the message:

Perhaps we humans, or at least some of us, should have similar tags.  Those instructions would presumably be treated with the same respect as the one on the cap  (to be honored in the breach thereof)

Do not abuse this person in any way
Do not hurt this person.
Not a toy
Wash gently in warm water

Harry  (whose tag apparently got ripped off early in life, perhaps as collateral damage during a ritual cutting performed on most males in our culture)

Swapping Sylvester Stallone's Mother for David Beckham

In the course of his interview with On the Media Paul McMullan, a News of the World reporter, mentioned swapping Sylvester Stallone's mother phone number for David Beckham's. His point very simply was that he was giving the public what they wanted.

If the public didn't buy what the papers pandered the paper wouldn't shovel it. Drug dealers use the same rationale.

Paul McMullan gained notoriety as the journalist, who, after being tipped off by a cop, about Jennifer Elliot (Denholm Elliot's daughter) desperate search for drugs, persuaded her to pose topless. With the unerring logic of humiliation Jennifer Elliot eventually committed suicide.  The interview is worth a listen.

Higher Gossip

"Higher Gossip" is a newly published collection of pieces by the late John Updike.  Updike was almost universally acknowledged as one of the finest writers America produced.  The excerpts in the NY Times review by Michiko Kakutani (Last Notes From a Man of Letters, November 29, 2011) provides ample support for his stature as a wordsmith.

He describes Kurt Vonnegut’s view of the universe as “basically atrocious, a vast sea of cruelty and indifference”

He describes Raymond Carver as managing to carve from a “near wreck of a life” — penury, heavy drinking, illness — “stories of exquisite directness, polish and calm that sit in the mind like perfect porcelain teacups,” though they often depict lives “beneath the threshold of any aspiration higher than day-to-day survival.”  

He writes about the resentment younger writers may feel toward “the gray-haired scribes” who “continue to take up space and consume the oxygen in the increasingly small room of the print world.” 

Definitely on the list to read.

U.S. District Judge Rakoff Smells a Rat

The SEC charged Citigroup with betting against investment "opportunities" it had created. As investors were taking losses the bank made $160 million. The SEC allowed a consent judgment against Citigroup settling the case to be filed the same day it filed its lawsuit against Citigroup.

Did someone smell a rat?

WNYC's blog, citing today's AP story, "City Judge Rejects $285M SEC-Citigroup Agreement" quoted U.S. District Judge Jed Rakoff as writing "in any case like this that touches on the transparency of financial markets whose gyrations have so depressed our economy and debilitated our lives, there is an overriding public interest in knowing the truth.

"In much of the world, propaganda reigns, and truth is confined to secretive, fearful whispers  Even in our nation, apologists for suppressing or obscuring the truth may always be found. But the SEC, of all agencies, has a duty, inherent in its statutory mission, to see that the truth emerges; and if it fails to do so, this court must not, in the name of deference or convenience, grant judicial enforcement to the agency's contrivances."

In much the same way the public needs to know what dealings went on behind closed doors to bail out the banks.  It's the public's money.  We may not now be sophisticated enough to understand what went on, but hey, give us the numbers and some talking heads and we'll see if we should pick up our pitch forks and burning brands or nod our heads at the wisdom of our representatives.

Five Language of Love/Love After Death Row/Modern Love

The NY Times from November 20 had an article about Gary Chapman, pastor of the Brentwood Hills Church of Christ, author of "5 Love Languages".  In  his taxonomy love is expressed by:

• words of affirmation,
• gifts,
• acts of service,
• quality time, and
• physical touch. 

He claimed that he knew in high school that of the two options of working in a Christian framework, he would be a pastor because missionary clashed with his dislike of snakes.

The same issue described the marriage of Sunny Jacobs and Peter Pringle.  Jacobs along with her husband and children were passengers in a car which was involved in an incident which left two Florida law enforcement officers dead.   Both Jacobs and her husband were sentenced to death.  Her husband was electrocuted by Florida.  Later, the third adult in the car who turned state's evidence admitted to being the shooter.  She was released after 17 years in prison.

Pringle was sentenced to death in Ireland for the death of two police officers following a bank robbery.  He was saved by several events: 1) Commutation to 40 years without parole, 2) the transcript of his confession was written before he was interrogated, and 3) Ireland abolished the death penalty.  It is not clear that he was innocent.

Their nuptials were attended by three notable actresses,Brooke Shields, Marlo Thomas, and Amy Irving, who had portrayed Sunny Jacobs in the play "The Exonerated".

The "Modern Love" column by Charlotte Alter, a senior at Harvard, contained this gem: "They say that each generation thinks it invented love. But from what I can see, my generation seems to fear we’ve forgotten it."  

Porn in Progress

By now people where I'm teaching know that when I say, "I'm checking my porn." I'm checking the stock market.  After the recent stomach churning drop in response to the Greek debt crisis compounded with the Italian debt crisis (from "Too big to fail" to 'Too big to save") Dow Jones is up over 2% today with the index over 12,000.

I can stick some standard boiler plate here about market expectation, consumer confidence, phases of the moon, and technical factors, but I'll simply say that I am astounded. Of course there's still an hour for people to come to their senses and send everything into the dumper.

The right wing has done a phenomenal job over the last 40 years in getting the hoi poli to have a vested interest in the stock markets.  With pensions from most worker's disappearing as a factor in their future, money has gone to mutual funds and stocks and with it their expectations.

I try to imagine what others go through when they reach for the brass ring and the merry go round disappears.  (I've long abandoned the belief in a "golden retirement".  My attitude and expectations are similar to my father: all he wanted was a comfortable place to read.)  Can social unrest be far behind if even modest aspirations may soon be out of reach?

Something will happen, but I can't see what it will be.

Tom Keith RIP

I got the news on tonight's Prairie Home Companion.  Tom was the sound effects guy on PHC.  I don't think it strange that I miss someone I never met, but who's work I heard every weekend.  I'll never hear a chicken cluck, a wapiti's mournful cry, or pterodactyl screech again without thinking of Tom.

Tom's passing will probably be the end of the annual Radio Sound Effects Championship which always ended with Tom's challenger being disqualified for hiding a whistle in his nostril.  One part of the contest featured 10 sound effects in 30 seconds.  From 2008 this included a helicopter, a swarm of bees, a flying goose, a knife thrown into a door, a firecracker, a tennis match, a cantaloupe falling from a great height, a giant sneeze (SNEEZE, BELL), an incoming rocket, and arrows shot from a quiver and landing in a bowl-full of lime jello.

Socratic Backfire

The article "Socratic Backfire?" by Kaustuv Basu in the October 31, 2011 issue of Inside Higher Ed discussed the case of Steven Maranville whose denial of  tenure seemed to be based on his use of the Socratic method.  Specifically his students objectioned to being asked questions even though they hadn't raised their hands and being required to work in groups.

I would have thought that being business students this would be regarded as training for corporate life.  Silly me.

In a comment, Larry Gillis proposed a warning label:

WARNING: this course may make you think. Occasional discomfort or, in rare cases, actual embarrassment, may occur. If thoughtfulness lasts more than four hours, please consult your physician.

 Of course there is more to it.  The professor is blind.  He gave up a tenured position to at the University of Houston to move to Utah Valley University.  It seems that department chair and an associate dean approved his teaching style.

We'll see how the plot thickens.

It reminds me of text that faculty have found important to include in their syllabus from the use of electronic devices and deportment to their grading rubrics.  More than one instructor felt it necessary to include in the syllabus an advisory that the syllabus was work in progress subject to change or that the syllabus contained material which needed to be mastered, but would not necessarily be covered in class.  

On this last point the instructors usually justify not covering material in class by saying that if the student knows the material the student's time will be wasted by having the instructor go through it one more time.  A more constructive approach is to assign material with exercises.  If the student has difficulty or questions about the exercises it became the student's responsibility to ask the instructor to cover the material or elucidate a problem. 

With some of the technology available to us a short video that helps the one student this semester may help half the class two semesters from now. 

If any of you cry at my funeral...

"If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again."  Stan Laurel as cited in The Funeral Of Stan Laurel also on http://www.lettersfromstan.com/.

From Wikipedia I got these quotes: "You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led." (Laurel, Brats) and "I was dreaming I was awake, but I woke up and found meself asleep." (Laurel, Oliver the Eighth)

What was impressive about the life of Stan Laurel was that when he realized that he and Oliver Hardy would not be able to make the films they wanted to make he stopped working.  There were some appearances here and there, but he seemed content in retirement.  Nice if you can do it.

In medias res

In medias res or medias in res (into the middle of things) is a Latin phrase denoting the literary and artistic technique wherein a story begins either at the mid-point or at the conclusion, rather than at the beginning (ab ovo, ab initio).  (I thought I saw the term in A.O. Scott's review of the film "Anonymous", but apparently not.)

The presumed advantage of in medias res is to open the story with a bang, and then fill in the rest after the reader/listener/viewer is hooked.

It made me think of some disturbed souls of my acquaintance who assumed that everyone was familiar with the dramatis personae of their lives.  Stars of their own life and that of everyone else.  At the time I thought it made them special, not realizing how double edged that descripton can be.

On meeting they'd start a conversation assuming you were already familiar with their live, referring to people by nicknames and places by short hand reference.  "We were all down at The Corner" presumed that you knew that "we" referred to the usual crowd of friends minus Larry who used to be a friend, but was now, because of the tiff with Sooz, no longer, and "The Corner" was the south west corner of the student center.

Affinage/You Only Go Through Life Once

The October 5th edition of the New York Times contained an article, "Cheese: A Coming-of-Age Story" about affinage,

"the careful practice of ripening cheese... a series of tedious, ritualized procedures (washing, flipping, brushing, patting, spritzing) that are meant to inch each wheel and wedge toward an apex of delectability."

Uh-oh.  As someone who only draws the line at eating cheese from a spray can, "ritualized procedures" fired its sh*t detectors.  Biodynamics, phases of the moon, unnatural acts with common objects.  Still I buy into it.  Paying attention to what's happening is more likely than not to produce a better cheese.  (Of course to my uncle Hal, "good cheese" was an oxymoron.)

The Times taste sampling of 3 cheeses supported the idea that attention to the cheese resulted in a better cheese.

Living close to the bone it's unlikely that I'll ever taste an artisanal cheese.  Chalk it up to parochial tastes, inherent cheapness, pedestrian aspirations, something.

Oh, wait.  It's could be like the time my brother brought a special meatloaf over for us to sample.  I could tell it was special because there were two different textures of meat separated by pistachio nuts and the slice had a crust around it.   Nice meatloaf I said.  When my brother was able to stop laughing he identified it as a hideously expensive pâté.  (I can't recall the exact figure, but as I remember it, a pound of that pâté costs as much as a ticket to a first-run Broadway show.) Tasted OK though.

Going through life once?  Oh that.  I had a recent conversation with an aunt, the wife of the uncle who wouldn't eat cheese, who said we only have one shot at life.  Why not enjoy it?  Why suffer?  In the specific, she was referring to fixing up her house and eating good food.  My mind translated this to dying as my money runs out: having a fatal attack with the last morsel of that hideously expensive pâté. 

That would be OK in my own home, but not in a restaurant.  Keeling over in a restaurant would stick my estate with the bill and inconvenience the establishment. Not a socially responsible way to go.

BMW: Not Born From Planes

I have a hard time throwing away old papers when I find myself stumbling across articles like "Nope, Not Born From Planes" by Stephen Williams in the January 10, 2011 NY Times. 

The BMW (Bayerische Motoren Werke) roundel widely assumed to represent a propeller is actually derived from the flag of the Bavarian Free State.  The article was also cited by a blog which had this image:

In true insouciant fashion one response to that blog was: Yeah. Uh huh. And "Puff the Magic Dragon" had nothing to do with drugs, and neither did "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

I suspect the real value of the article will be in the money which will be won in bar bets.

(As a side note, the headline of the online version is "BMW Roundel: Not Born From Planes".)

John Haggerty Guilty!! But of What?

John Haggerty, a former aide to Mayor Michael Bloomberg was accused of stealing $1.1 million during the last election by promising to use the money to organize "ballot security" through the Independence Party.  On the face of it things looked simple:  Bloomberg provided Haggerty with funds for arranging for poll watchers based on a budget submitted by Haggerty.   Haggerty used $600K to buy a house.

On the second day of deliberation, the jury asked for clarification: who was the victim?  Huh?

The defense argued that once Haggerty got the money Bloomberg had no say over how the money could be used.  I don't know nearly enough about the law to understand how charges are assigned, but promising to do something for money and then not doing it violates something otherwise there are some great career options to those of us who can lie with a straight face.

The devil, of course, was lurking in the details:  the victim might have been the Independence Party which should have receive the money for watching the polls or the trust fund from which the money came.  The defense was arguing that the prosecution's charges were wrong.  Unsaid was that their client was guilty; the prosecutors had erred by selecting the wrong victim.  It would only be a matter of time, then,  until the prosecution, recognizing the error of its ways, came up with the correct indictment and Haggerty would find himself a guest of the state.

The defense tried to make the source of the funds an issue.  Because Bloomberg used personal funds, not campaign funds the defense kept implying that Bloomberg was trying to avoid scrutiny because what was being done was a violation of campaign laws.  The prosecution kept responding that there were no campaign violations.  I'd have to see a transcript to see whether one of the prosecutors replied that if there were a campaign violation, Haggerty would have been charged for that also.

The real fascination of the trial was a glimpse into how casually a billionaire can spend money.  Trusted associates got over $400K to help manage the election.  No formal contracts.  If more of us were aware of how much money could be siphoned off during elections economists might consider working election expenditures into an economic stimulous package.

In the end Haggerty was found not guilty of first degree grand larceny and guilty of second-degree grand larceny and second-degree money laundering this morning.  Maximum sentence 15 years.

Grand larceny it seems requires the amount involved to be over $1 million.  The amount in question seemed to be the amount Haggerty used to buy the house.

I'll Believe a Corporation is a Person ...

"I'll Believe a Corporation is a Person When Texas Executes One"  I first saw the slogan in a cardboard sign carried by an Occupy Wall Street poster.  When looking for it on the web I chanced across this decal:

The odd thing is that when I saw the sticker I thought it read:

SOFTWARE ENGINEER BY DAY WORLD'S WORST DAD BY NIGHT

Isn't that odd?

I Love Gail Collins

I'd give a kidney and part of my liver (you bring the fava beans and the fine Chianti) to be able to write like Gail Collins. In her "The Gift of Glib" op-ed piece for Wednesday's NY Times (October 12, 2011) she had a field day with the Republican candidate's 999 debate in New Hampshire. 

It slights the original to pick a few quotes, but here are some to whet your appetite:

It turns out that Governor Perry has a big energy plan, known as “The Plan I’m Going to Be Laying Out.” When he does, it’s going to be the answer to almost everything

Michele Bachmann gave the fact-checkers another great night of error-correcting. 

Among the elite cadre of Americans who have been thinking about 9-9-9, a good number have determined that it won’t raise enough revenue. “The problem with that analysis is that it is incorrect,” announced Cain firmly. I do admire the way he does this. If I could convey that tone, I would win every argument in my family just by saying “The problem with that analysis is that it is incorrect.”

First They Came for the Anthropologists ...

A clever headline I thought, appropriating its structure from Martin Niemöller's statement (1892–1984) about the lack of opposition from German intellectuals to the Nazis.

The headline which I cribbed from an article in The Atlantic magazine was prompted by statements from Florida's Governor Rick Scott on Monday of this week that he hoped to shift more higher education funding to STEM programs (science, technology, engineering and math).  Specifically, he said:

"If I’m going to take money from a citizen to put into education then I’m going to take that money to create jobs. So I want that money to go to degrees where people can get jobs in this state. Is it a vital interest of the state to have more anthropologists? I don’t think so." ~ Inside Higher Ed

It isn't an unusual political statement and I suspect it isn't much different from the feeling of the population at large.  Successful businessman appointed to boards of trustees have made similar comments.  They're often surprised then to find that their school gets the most bang for the buck from liberal arts courses which require little in resources than a room, chairs, and someone with credentials to blither on compared with a hard science course with labs, equipment, supplies, special reporting regulations in addition to the credentialed blitherer.

In writing this I learned from Wikipedia that there was no definitive version of Niemöller statement, but Niemöller's preference would be something like this:

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

I'm sure that there are parodies in every liberal arts departments across the world ("First they came for the Structuralist, then the Deconstructionists, then the Formalists, and when finally they came for the Hermeneuticists..")

Beguine/Dijkstra

Back in June I stumbled across a reference to a short film "Beguine" by Douwe Dijkstra. I searched library databases and IMDB to no avail. I should have just done a web search because there it was on the first page.

In addition, there was a link to some great black and white images for someone with the same name: Dijkstra's photos 

The windmill image really impressed me: just lengthening the exposure made the sails look like a propeller. A friend titled it "Windmill by Boeing".

 The video is a hallucinogenic exercise as a dance floor tips sending a man sliding down a long hill into a red ocean at the bottom he finds himself in an office.  He walks over to the copier which sucks him in (see image below).

Trapped in the copier he's ignored as his image appeared in the copies.  Eventually he's shaving as he plummets down the side of building coming to a gentle landing.  What?


You've got to see it to believe it:   Dijkstra's Beguine video

Remembering Steve Jobs

Among the tributes and recollections of Steve Jobs I was most affected by David Gewirtz's DIY-IT blog on ZDnet:

"Steve Jobs didn’t just bring Apple computers, music players, and phones to the world. What Steve Jobs brought was elegance, discipline, crisp design, and a forceful sense of right and wrong.

"Steve knew. He just knew what he wanted. He knew what would be right and what would have been right for any other technology executive, but wouldn’t meet his standards."

There were many businesses which were frustrated by his company's secrecy.  By not revealing its hand Apple made it extremely difficult for businesses to plan.  In my only encounter with Apple bureaucracy my university couldn't get an iOS developer license because Apple's licensing procedure required talking to the school's chief legal officer.  It was a Kafkaesque experience.