A Medical Excursion

While lifting an empty bookcase off my car <needless detail>in the pouring rain in the wee small hours of the morning</needless detail>, I felt a sharp pain in my right side about 5 inches below my arm pit. I'd never felt anything similar. Even with my limited knowledge of physiology I knew it wasn't a heart attack. It felt like something tore, but that was as far as my diagnosis went.

The most peculiar aspect of the injury was that that whatever it was didn't hurt when I haul the bookcase into the house. I just lifted the bookcase and sort of slid it along on some boards until I got the bookcase into the house.

Battling my usual inclination to ignore injuries, I didn't try to determine just how much pain I could take. I took it easy during the next few days. I was giving myself little gold stars for being so sensible as the ache decreased when the aching increased. Whether it was sit-ups or something else the ache grew to the point here I had to avoid letting my arm rest across my right side when I went to sleep.

Last night I lay back against the pillows before going to sleep. Remembering something I tried to sit up and couldn't - it hurt too much to sit up. (Well, I could sit up, but thought the most sensible thing was not to exacerbate what ever it was.)

Sitting up became a mechanical puzzle. My solution was to extend my legs off the bed and then slowly slide off. Gravity folded my torso forward.

Today I went to see the doctor. After noting the absence of hematomas and the localization of the sensitivity he opined that it was not a cracked rib, but most likely a problem with the cartilege - a fracture, tear, something. He estimated it would take 6-8 weeks to heal provided I didn't do anything stupid. The doctor gave me a hard, meaningful look when he said this to be sure I got the message. To be sure of his diagnosis he sent me for radiography.

Now friends, a few miles west of the "Miracle Mile", a toney shopping area in Manhassett, New York, there's "Medical Row" a half mile of medical specialists on Northern Boulevard in Great Neck. (Many people have heard the name, but did not realized that the Miracle Mile is an actual place, the Americana Manhasset Shopping Center. "Are you gonna cruise the Miracle Mile?" from "It's Still Rock and Roll To Me" - Billy Joel. There is a Miracle Mile in the Mid-Wilshire region of Los Angeles, California near the La Brea tar pits, but I digress.)

Because the radiology place was "just over there" (said the doctor's receptionist) I decided to walk. I don't mind driving, but I thought "over there" was the next building. Driving would mean crossing a solid double line on Northern Blvd where drivers get points taken off their licenses for every pedestrian they hit or driving on the sidewalk ("Brazilian driving"). (The points off rule was the result of the powerful auto body lobby. As I understand it, the number of points removed from someone's driving record is on a sliding scale related to the cost of the body work required to restore the car. Splatter someone with a Maserati or a Ferrari and the New York State Motor Vehicles Department will give you credits toward future points.)

The building turned out to be the very last building on Medical Row, not a long distance actually, but instructive: there was no entrance on Northern Boulevard. The building has no street entrance. Everyone has to enter through a door in the parking area at the back of the building.

Did I stumbled across a new architectural phenomenon or something well established but unbeknowst to me? Was the design to keep the riffraff out or, given the building's location, just obvious - who would walk to the building?

I enjoyed filling out the forms at the radiologists: there were three typographical errors on a single intake form. I asked if I could get a discount for spotting them, but as always, my proofreading skills proved a source of amusement, not profit. Getting up on the X-ray table was easy. Getting off required the same slithering technique I used to get out of bed.

The X-rays showed nothing, just as the doctor had expected. And I have avoided doing anything to injure whatever it is/was.

June 14, 2006 postscript: My side does not seem to ache and it seems that I should try to get back to the washboard abs (of my imaginary life).