Wall Street Truth Laid Bare

There is a statistic in the May 23rd The Street article "War on Crime Revs Up on Wall Street",  by Peter Morici which in its simplicity points out the macro problem with Wall Street:

"In February 1998, the S&P 500 first closed higher than 1000. Since then, corporate profits are up about 210% percent, but equities have risen less than 35%. Corporate profits rose 6% annually, but investing in stocks paid a disappointing 2.3% a year"

 The article goes on to point out that the best and brightest are devoted to enhancing their own compensation rather than value for investors.  Would one expect more from the people attracted to finance?  This falls under the headline of No News News, but I'd never seen it so baldly stated.

And then there was Jay MacDonald's February 14, 2011 "Punch Line to Foreclosure-Gate" article on Bankrate.com which described Florida Attorney General's office's PowerPoint presentation entitled: "Unfair, Deceptive and Unconscionable Acts in Foreclosure Cases" (PDF).  The presentation was based on the AG's investigation of robosigning in the Sunshine State.

The presentation contains some interesting slides:

• examples of 6 different forged signatures for "Linda Green" (who had at least 14 different job titles), 
• 4 different signatures for Scott Anderson, 
• 3 different signatures each for Tywanna Thomas and Jessica Ohde who are variously identified as "Asst. Vice President" or "Asst. Secretary", 
• one document dated "9/9/9999", 
• several documents where the mortgage was assigned to "Bogus Assignee",
• stamped instead of signed signatures,
• bogus notaries (Notary stamps are good for 4 years, yet the examples showed expiration dates 5 years in the future), and
• excerpts of testimony from two people involved in robosigning.  (They say what we now know:  signatures were forged and nobody read the documents.)

It's worth a read.

Yaron Brook: Fwee Market Capitalism

Today's economic porn (The Daily Ticker with Aaron Task) included an interview Yaron Brook, president and executive director of the Ayn Rand Institute  I've found Ayn Rand good for a sad laugh.  Yes, if people were responsible and had the psychological orientation to meet her independent Objectivist model it might be worth supporting.

My personal belief is that, people being people doom Objectivism to the same fate as Communism: dustbin of history, fond illusion of idealistic youth, or something in between.  (Has anyone made an attempt to argue that Going Green may mean recycling/reusing the contents of the "dustbin of history"?)

That said I was very impressed (werry, werry impressed) that someone with a speech impediment could end up being the president of an organization. Yaron Brook's fire of conviction is subverted by taking like a baby.

Good News Means Bad Things

Osama Bin Ladin was killed yesterday. A symbolic victory, a boost to the aura of American prowess - not a single Navy SEAL killed- but given the distributed nature of al Qaeda, his death probably does little to reduce their threat.

As I drove to work  market reporters were reporting the favorable economic responses: the prices for gold and oil were down, but there was, of course, the contrarian warning: the US dollar, seen as the safest investment  will now find less eager buyers if the world is perceived as safer.  (Is it puckish to call the dollar a "gold standard"?)

It struck me as odd now, that I should unconsciously use the word "market" to mean financial doings rather than a green grocer. Perhaps I've unwittingly succumbed to a vast right-wing conspiracy.

Skater Dater, Music, and Lord Buckley

As I browsed around YouTube, I stumbled on a reference to Skaterdater, a short film about skateboarding made in 1965.

I'd thought it was charming when I saw it many years ago.  The two things I remembered about the soundtrack were the surf music and the fact that the film makers didn't need synchronized sound.  There is one point in the film where a funny noise is a lead into the next shot.

I was so taken with the soundtrack, surf music over the rumble of skateboards on asphalt, that I taped it off the theater speakers shortly after I saw it.  (It was a tiny theater and I knew the owners.) 

The link above will take you to the film on Google video so you can see it for yourself.

I checked the music credits: Mike Curb and Nick Venet, names which meant nothing to me until I looked up their bios.

Mike Curb, was a Republican Lt. Governor of California from 1978-1982 under the Democrat, Jerry Brown (II). He was involved in some political shenanigans: taking advantage of the law that put the Lt. Governor in charge when the governor is out of state, he tried to get several judges appointed while Brown was "out of California airspace." (The appointments were voided on Brown's return.)

Later, he was immensely successful in the musical business. Check out his bio.  I was impressed.  Especially so when he made news by calling on Belmont University to rehire a soccer coach who seems to have lost her position for being a lesbian.   here's a link to the story in on the Nashville Scene web site.

The other, Nick Venet, worked with recording luminaries from jazz, pop, and world music. Just reading the names Chet Baker,Stan Getz, Chico Hamilton ("Drumfusion"), Stan Kenton, Gerry Mulligan, and Lambert, Hendricks, and Ross flooded my mind with treasured memories of afternoons just listening to jazz on turntables. (Where did I get the time? Where has it gone?)

He worked with Lord Buckley the great hip and tragic comedian. You couldn't be hip way back in the 50's and 60's without knowing who he was. The two pieces I treasured were "The Nazz", the story of Jesus, "Scrooge", the retelling of Dicken's "Christmas Carole" in a dark ghetto dialect. You can imagine Lord Buckley as a mix of Redd Foxx and Robin Williams topped with the sound effect from Bill Cosby's early records.

A casual mention of "The Nazz", "the carpenter kiddie", "beat up retarded sparrow", or saying "merry Christmas with you" or "What's the matter with you baby?" brought a knowing smile to the cognoscenti. You were home.

Perhaps his most enduring legacy was this bit of trivia from Wikipedia:

"Venet created the "Produced By" credit on singles and albums and started album liner notes for crediting individual performers, musicians, and engineers of pop and rock records. Venet is primarily known for signing the Beach Boys and producing their early material."

He worked with Ravi Shankar, Nat "King" Cole, and Peggy Lee and Kay Starr.  Just amazing.  Dead at 61 from Burkitt's lymphoma.

Throwbots

How cool would it be to have one of these?

They're throwable robots with cameras from Recon Scout. You heave one of these things in (they'll survive a 30' drop onto concrete) and control it with a joystick. Designed for the military and SWAT teams.  You can get yours for just $6-9K. Ideal for braking up jail fights.

For more information, there are videos on YouTube. (Search for "recon scout throwbot" because "recon scout" is also the name for a knife.) Although intended to reduce exposing soldiers and police to hostile fire, I can fantasize a household loaner business to scour a house on a periodic basis to check under couches for missing retainers, rings, and keys.

Because of it's light weight an officer can hold the throwbot in one hand and still keep a weapon in the other.   Most of us are fortunate not to need to consider features like these when making purchases.  Other design features make sense: the throwbot is turned on by pulling a pin rather than flipping a switch to make it easier to activate with gloves, Hazmat suits, etc. and very difficult for the other guys to inactivate it.  (Of course the expectation is that the other side won't have the appropriate pin or a controller to turn off or jam the device.)

I'll know how common these things become when they appear in CSI reruns.  (They may be a standard feature of cop shows, but I'm at a disadvantage here because I rarely watch TV.)

Brutal Knitting

Next winter may be the time to let your freak flag fly.

Tracy Widdess, the knitter, will accept commissions.  If you want to stand out in a crowd, these knits will guarantee it.

$6,400 Kohler Numi Toilet

I kid you not.

If I ever get a chance to teach an intro Computer Science class, this will certainly be an item they'll have to discuss when asked we discuss what constitutes a computer.  Just look at the controls:
I guess in time it will not seem odd, but a toilet with speakers and audio input? I would have written that the bathroom seems to be the only place you can get away from ..., but now there's advertising in restrooms and we've all overheard cell private conversation in public bathrooms.

I imagine that the person on the other end of the conversation will ask if the other person is in a bathroom. It'll no longer be remarkable when the answer is in the affirmative.

What Do We Stand For?

An article mentioned a firm building their social networking system using Mason software, a name which was unfamiliar to me. A web search led me to George Mason University's web site and what you see below:

It reminded me of a joke from an old Pogo comic strip:  

Q: "What do we stand for?" 

A: "We don't stand for much."

Hacker vs. Hacker

There is a fascinating article in Business Week (I stumbled over it on Bloomberg BusinessWeek) about the cyber security firm, HBGary, being hacked by Anonymous, the anarchic cyber-guerrilla organization. The attack came after an official at HBGary boasting to the Financial Times that he would reveal the identities of the Anonymous's leaders in his presentation at the next RSA conference.

Steven Colbert put it this way: Anonymous is a hornet's nest. And [HBGary] said, 'I'm gonna stick my penis in that thing.'"

The real fun began when stolen documents were posted on line. The files revealed proposed campaigns to rival the dirty tricks of the Nixon era: infiltrate Anonymous to expose the leadership and a cyber-campaign of disinformation against WikiLeaks.  The corporate results were predictiable: clients disengaging and others making a point of distancing themselves from HBGary.

An interesting read for sure.

SteamPunk Star Wars & CG Society

TechRepublic had a link to images from CGSociety's Hardcore Modeling Challenge.  The image of Princess Leia seems destined for the men's magazines.

Stumbling around the CG Society web site showed just how stunning computer graphics has become.  The page for the challenge showed  a busty, no nonsense Leia.

I Get a Parking Space at 9:30 AM. How Depressing

A few years ago the faculty/staff parking lot on the west end of campus would be filled by 9:15.  I know.

There's a pattern to college parking.  Student athlete's and coaches park close to the stadium near the edge of campus while commuting students park as close as they can to the south campus academic buildings.  Residential students - lazy residential students - drive from north campus to south campus so they can walk less.  (The total time it takes them to walk to their car, drive about half a mile, and then walk to class is more than the time than it takes to walk to class from their dorm.)

Faculty generally try to park close to their offices, except those who try to park near their last class of the day. There are administrative parking spots which are occasionally occupied by students parking "just for a minute" while they try to dart in to a building to drop off a paper or pick up a form.   It's rumored that the campus police now have web cams watching these spots and get extra points for ticketing students parked in those spots because the fines are higher.

I use to get to the campus between 9:30 and 10 AM (and stayed to 11 PM) so parking close to the buildings where I worked was never an option during regular school days.  I didn't mind.  It was aerobic exercise and, when the weather wasn't inclement, a nice 5 minute walk.

Oh, so why depressing?  The available spaces mean that there are fewer employees as the University makes a concerted effort to cut expenses by cutting budget lines.  I always assume the worst.

Ask not for whom the spot is for.  Pretty soon it might not be me.

Gerund and Oxymoron

In the film History Boys, one of the teenage boys knowingly asks if a certain word was a gerund.  I knew it was a part of speech, but made a note to look it up.  Grammar Bytes provided the answer.  (Grammar Bytes' URL is chompchomp.com and, when I accessed it, displayed the head of a roaring gorilla.

So now, I've set a minor task for myself: to listen for gerunds.  All gerunds end in "ing", so, if I understand what I've read, it's a matter of distinguishing gerunds from present participles in which those same terms act as modifiers instead of nouns.

This reminded me of  a story from a student at Classical High School in Providence, Rhode Island.  He said his English instructor asked his students to cringe each time they heard an oxymoron, e.g., bittersweet.  I decided to verify that I still knew what an oxymoron is.

A quick look in Wikipedia turned up a several oxymorons I hear frequently: "objective opinion", "original copy", and "definite possibility".  It is only having seen it pointed out that it strikes me how we/I accept statements without question.  (I perhaps less than most, but still, I stand guilty as charged.)

"Original copy" seems to be valid, especially now that documents are created on laser printers.  What is the difference between the first copy printed, and the second copy printed?  The original might be bits in memory which was never stored on disk.  Or it could be on disk.  If two copies are printed at the same time, is one the original and the other a copy?

The two which had obvious reference to computer science were "virtual reality" and "constant variable". The first case seems appropriate. In the second, computer scientists have created computer languages to resolve the ambiguity.

A variable name is created to let the computer program store information. In some languages (and in some cases some incarnations of the same language) the language has no way to tell the computer that the data should not be allowed to change, i.e., that the variable is a constant. In other languages it can be explicit, the term constant is part of the declaration or the data type, e.g., a tuple in Pythonare immutable. (I just learned this.)

Back on the Range

For the first time in a long time I cooked dinner.  I was going to be home before the significant other and it was going to be Swai.  (I'd normally subject the reader to a long digression about my family's involvement with food, the games we'd play in restaurants (switching seats after ordering to see how server's recorded the orders, showing our knowledge by asking for rare steaks, playing Guess the Temperature (of the fryer), etc.), but I'll make it short.

I sauteed onions and orange pepper in a little oil, then, when there appeared to be no liquid to keep the onions from browning, I added some white wine (salvaged from a department party) to poach the onions.  As the onions looked soft enough, as an unhelpful description as I could manage, I used more of the wine to rinse out a garlic-flavored pasta source jar into the pan.  I plopped the defrosted Swai on top (God bless portion control!), sprinkled some cutup yellow squash over the fish, and allowed everything to poach for a few minutes.

My brother who knows his stuff advised me that the wine wasn't even good enough to be used for cooking.  I'm sure he's correct, but the people who eat his food are laying out a minimum of $80/cover and know  the difference between world class and good. 

I was so out of practice that I didn't remember to cook the potatoes to be ready when the fish was ready.  I used the microwave to nuke some quartered red bliss potatoes.  

All in all, I can say with some assurance that, the meal was non-toxic (my highest rating).  Salad would have been nice, but there was  no salad stuff at hand.  Nobody complained.

The evidence that I am not destined to be a food photographer is shown below: 

 

Suze Rotolo: The Girl on the Cover of Freewheelin'

My main squeeze told me that Terry Gross had replayed an interview with Suzie Rotolo.  My heart sank.  "She's dead?"  "Yes."

At one point, just knowing who Suzie Rotolo was marked you as hip.

For a significant number of us Suzie was an icon of a celebrated time, when folk music, "protest music", was the cutting edge of hip.  It was Suzie who open Bob Dylan's eyes to radicalism and art.  She was the girl on Bob Dylan's arm on the cover of The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan.

(In an interview on WNYC-FM Steve Earle said he spent a lot of time pointing German tourists in the right direction when they try to position themselves on 4th Street to look like Bob and Suzie.  Suzie herself said that she thought the picture made her look like a stuffed sausage.  She was bundled up because their flat was so cold.  Suzie thought Bob was under dressed to enhance his image.  But could it be that it was because he was from Minnesota?)

It would be hard to underestimate what she did for Bob Dylan or give her enough credit for just being herself.  The photo below is typical of an ordinary photo evocative of the time: legends of the scene with Dylan on the left, Suzie in the middle, and Dave van Ronk on the right. Now only Bob is left.

Pardon me as I blither on:

I first heard Cocaine Blues sung by Dave van Ronk and, in my mind, his version remains the definitive version with that great lyric:

"Cocaine's for horses/ and not for men/
They say it will kill me/ but won't say when/
Cocaine.  Run all around my brain."

It ranks right up there with  Willie Dixon's "If it wasn't for bad luck/I'd have no luck at all" and BB King's:

"Nobody loves me but my mother.
I said nobody loves me but my mother.
I say nobody loves me but my mother.
And she could be jiving too."

The Ex Outlet (Selling Your Ex's Stuff)

The concept of a web site to sell stuff associated with you ex seems obvious.  It's not clear that it is a viable business.  The stories of longing, betrayal, and remorse are nothing special, but might serve as object lessons for teens.

I was curious to see if the aggrieved parties were disposing of music, but music was not even a category.  Maybe the site's sample is too small, but I would expect that music plays as big a part in young people's lives as it did in mine.

I remember a women at a party looking through the host's record collection (it was many years ago) when she pulled one album from the shelf.  She stared at it for a couple of seconds, shook her head, before replacing it.  "I can't believe I slept with that guy." she said.  No one asked.

Maybe the exes took their music with them.  If the relationship was in the post physical media era there was nothing to leave behind except perhaps a docking station.

Adele and Steve

I found directions to Carol Nash's house while going through some 25-year old stuff.  I have no idea who she was.   I'm guessing she was one in a chain of associated friends in dogs: Oh, you're going to the Framingham show?  Would you mind taking something to give to Barbara who'll give it to Peggy at the Gorham show next month?  These would be scrapbooks, pedigree charts, etc.

Another something lost from memory.

On the other hand, an old ATT and bill had a phone number in Connecticut.  Probably Adele.  What the heck, I had just unearthed a cell phone with over a thousand hours.  Why not dial and see who answers?  When he recorded message said calls without caller ID were blocked I was pretty sure it was them.

And sure enough.  Steve answered.   We spent 28:35 catching up on 20 or so years of stuff.  Verizon made him an offer he couldn't refuse about 10 years ago.  Adele's story was less happy: she was forced out of her teaching position.  She's got a nice pension, but she loved teaching.  The adjustment's been rough.

Many years ago, when I first met met Adele she had a boyfriend who worked as a prison guard and seemed to spend most of his time on the second floor of her house talking on the CB.  In the first few years I knew her Adele had an anxious way of sucking her breath in through her teeth.  She said she was looking for a man who would keep her in chain link. 

Several years later day when I dropped a guy I never saw before came out to greet me.  "Hi, I'm Steve."  Seemed nice enough.  I didn't ask about the boyfriend.  Adele appeared a few minutes later.  (It would have been hard to sneak onto the property - they had, and still have a 3 dozen dog siren.)  She was smiling and for the first time I knew her seemed relaxed.

I said to myself, I don't know who Steve is, but he seems good for Adele.

About a year later I drove up and saw a change in the kennel.  As I related to a friend who met Adele when I met her, "Adele's found the man of her dreams."  It only took my friend a beat: "Chain link!"

Life was simpler then.

I've Got a Secret?

If you're looking for sensational revelations move along.

The other day someone told me about an incident which will put someone's career in jeopardy.  Almost nobody else knows.  Is it a secret?  What is a secret?  Is it a secret if it is just a matter of time before the whole world knows?  In the past "the whole world knowing" would certainly be hyperbole.  Now, anyone in the world of WikiLeaks, those interested enough to put a few choice terms in an Internet search engine can see your shame.

A campus security officer told the person who told me.  That implied that several layers of security already knew.  Legal probably got faxed a copy as soon as the complaint was signed.  By the time I heard it I'm sure Legal had briefed the President's office and PR had statements at the ready.

I, along with the person who told me, are morbidly interested bystanders in departmental dramas.  We have no input and won't be much affected by the outcome.  We are the bemused Greek chorus wondering how such bright, talented people can do such dumb things.

Will it be a scandal screaming from the headlines?  (Thinking in terms of headlines instead of making a buzz and going viral on the Internet marks my age.)  Perhaps, instead of a scandal, there will be a settlement. Not a cover up, but an agreement between parties, a monetary settlement, and another campus legend passed along in departmental small talk.

From one perspective the decision is clear: get rid of the malefactor.  (There's a pun for you.) From another angle, very good research notable publications and a sterling professional reputation with grants to match might compensate for a prickly personality.  The cynical view is that given the need for funds there will be some hesitation, but the school's reputation considered in light of its dependence on tuition will dictate a parting of the ways.  (The real cynical view is that there will be a new - and rare - job opening.)

A Quotes & a Stock Market Graph

That urgent push—"panic" is such an ugly word—to involve every single employee in acquiring and retaining customer also shows signs of driving down.
Kim S Nash, CIO, December 15, 2010, p34.

I thought this was an interesting graph.

The market's previous close was somewhat below 12,100.  The market is up 40 points.  Simple math says that something less than 12,100 + 40 should be something less than12,150, but look at the graph from finance.yahoo.com on February 8, 2011 about a little after 1 PM.

Ummm and then in the process of putting up this post I realized that I was looking at the previous day's graph.  Yahoo! hadn't  updated the image.  Is it odd that I expected the graph to be update without refreshing the screen myself?  It definitely was not odd that I would be so oblivious.  As I write (and finish my lunch in case anyone wonders if I'm slacking off at work), this is the current graph:

I'm guessing that the Dow text is updated continuously, but the graph isn't.  The 40 points shown in the first image represented the gain from the previous close near 12,160.

No mystery solved. 

John Sebastian's Folk Music

The local public broadcasting station played John Sebastian's folk music retrospective.  I was surprised to see that the music continued to appeal to me and struct by the performer's enthusiasm.  Any false notes eluded me.  Were they really that enthusiastic about their music?  Does the performer's earnestness strike those who weren't there as hoky? The show reminded me that the dismissal of the 50's as bland, ignored the passion for justice that exploded in the 60's.

Folk music became "protest music" with singers using a classic form for what was perceived as a new purpose, but some of the songs which defined the era, , were a political campaign song (the Kingston Trio's "Charlie on the MTA"), a call for justice ("If I had a hammer"), and woody Gutherie's populist "This land is your land".

At the end of the show, many of the performers seen in their earlier incarnations were shown performing at a folk revival in Pittsburgh.  It was reassuring to see the force of the Chad Mitchell Trio's singing belied their age.  Barry McGuire's "Eve of Destruction" with only slightly modified lyrics still carried it's old punch.   Jesse Colin Young's "Get Together" sounded as sweet as the first time I heard it and Roger McGuinn, back from Rio, still looks cool singing Bob Dylan's "My Back Pages", an anthem to angry youth, and Pete Seeger's "Turn, Turn, Turn".

It made me wonder if someone could write or, unbeknown to me, has written a contemporary song railing at Congress, the reactionary right, and others on my detestable s list wing echo chamber.

Death Wait on Hospira

The headline (on a January 21 AP story carried by Yahoo! Finance) read "US drug maker discontinues key death penalty drug". The story in brief was that Hospira Inc. decided to switch manufacture of sodium thiopental from North Carolina to Liscate, Italy, near Milan. Because Hospira could not guarantee Italian authorities that the anesthetic wouldn't be used in executions, the company halted production rather than risk being liable to Italian law.

Already in short supply and with batches of sodium thiopental set to expire in March, 2011 executions across the U.S. now have an additional problem besides pesky picketers.

Imagine executions being halted not by the will of the people, moral or legal qualms but a logistical problem.

I've wondered why people aren't executed by firing squad. Is it that today's criminals do not rise to the level of Joe Hill and Gary Gilmore? I would expect that some law and order/NRA/über-patriot types would be willing to organize flying execution squads, able, willing, and ready to be there to get the job done.

(A brief web check found that Utah, which executed Gilmore by firing squad, has gone the lethal injection route. And with one thing leading to another I learned that the gun Gilmore used to kill a shop clerk was for sale.  That in itself was interesting because the gun, which was evidence, had been stolen from a gun store and later returned to the owner.  The current owner turned down a $500,000 bid for the gun and had it up for auction at $1,000,000.

It brings to mind a story I saw (can't now remember if it was on TV or a film) where a fugitive in a story about the Old West raised money by turning himself in to collect the reward money.  Will Son of Sam laws prohibiting individuals from benefiting from their crimes now prohibit this?  What about people letting their relations turn them in to pay medical bills?  Commit an outrageous crime, call your main squeeze to reveal where you're hanging out, and indicate that it would be OK to reveal your location to the police, and wait patiently for the law to show up.)

Saturday Morning Flotsam

Listening to Car Talk on NPR this morning I picked up these:

Q: What is the difference between an airplane pilot and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of 4.

Syncro de Mayo - a coven for fans of Volkswagon vanagon.  They've got a site (http://www.syncro.org/SdM_2011.html) Yahoo group (http://autos.groups.yahoo.com/group/syncro-de-mayo/) and, of course, Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Syncro-de-Mayo/60934111908).

And while I'm at it, I was appalled and reassured to recognize that they repeated the Car Talk quiz about ancient Roman roads.  When I checked the website for "Today's Puzzler" all I found was a discussion of the previous puzzle, finding the quarter fill mark on a cylindrical gas tank without calculus.

The Apple Experience or You're Screwed

The big buzz in Apple Technologyland is the new pentalobe screw.  Apple has patented the screw which means that it should be illegal to import a screw driver which can turn the screw.  Hackers should be up to the challenge and I'm curious as to whether a classic jail house trick would be able to turn the screw.

The part of the story which may generate a law suit is statemetn that the original screws will be replaced with pentalobe screws if an Apple device is brought in for repair at an Apple store.

I found the story on The Consumerist and Computerworld.

McDonald's Texas Burger

I first saw this in the January 12, 2011 Marketplace section of the "Daily Diary of the American Dream" (Wall Street Journal) and again on WSJ's Japan Realtime. ("Japan Real Time is a newsy, concise guide to what works, what doesn’t and why in the one-time poster child for Asian development, as it struggles to keep pace with faster-growing neighbors while competing with Europe for Michelin-rated restaurants.")

McDonald's will be introducing limited time burgers in Japan where, according to the article, the Japanese line up for anything with limited availability.  (Could I go to the land of the rising sun and say, "Hey girls, come and get it - I'm here for only a limited time."?  Sure I could, but it wouldn't get the desired results.)

Carnage and Culture, Landmark Battles in the Rise of Western Power

Some years ago a coworkers described a TV show which tried to unravel a mystery of how Zulu warriors overwhelmed a British garrison.  All that stuck with me from his account was that there were sealed boxes of ammunition still left.

This came to mind as I read “Carnage and Culture, Landmark Battles in the Rise of Western Power”, a family-friendly compendium of carnage by Victor Davis Hanson.  Among the battles he discusses is Isandhlwana where 250 horsemen and 300 native foot soldiers were annihilated by the Zulu’s.  This was probably the same battle.

Hanson’s analysis is that the officer in charge underestimated the opposition to the extent that he violated standard military practice.  In short, the British forces were spread to far apart which, when they ran out of ammunition allowed them to be swarmed over by the Zulu. The British ran out of ammunition for several reasons:

1)   Bureaucratic stupidity – a quartermaster refused to dispense ammunition to one set of troops because the ammunition belonged to another troop.

2)   By not following standard practice, the troops were spread out - too far away from ammunition stores and separated enough to be enveloped by the Zulu.

To quote: “ It was as if their officers—like the Roman generals at Cannae – had done everything to ignore their intrinsic advantage of Western discipline and superior offensive power. “  There’s more of course, but Hanson points out that the next day, the same Zulu warriors were unable to best a hundred British soldiers at Rorke’s Drift where the troops followed standard military procedure.

What make’s it so striking (besides the blood and gore) is that the Boer’s had long before worked out the gold standard protocol for defense against Zulu attack:  a tightly defended area (encircled wagons, walls, stockades), readily available ammunition, and steady disciplined rifle fire.

The author maintains that the Zulu never developed anything other than their single envelopment strategy despite horrific losses against Europeans.  There was also the cultural difference, the author’s main thesis.  The Zulu’s fasted before battle, did not carry supplies, and did not seem to have much in the way of strategy other than to get as close as possible to their enemy by stealth and then swarm over and envelope them.  By the time the Zulu army got to Rorke’s Drift they had not eaten for 2 days.  They had never developed the idea of a siege.

I’ll spare you a book review, (see below) but to say that in the section on Cortes and the Aztecs, repeated the theme: the Aztec’s idea of war seems to have been to capture sacrificial victims.  If they managed to knock down a Spaniard or one of the native forces allied against them, the captive was bound and dragged to the rear for later sacrifice rather than dispatched on the spot.  The idea of killing your enemy on the battlefield was quite literally a foreign notion.  The Aztec's horrific losses didn't seem to change their strategies.  It didn't hurt the Spanish conquest that their weaponry was centuries ahead of that of the Aztecs.

There are plenty of reviews of the book including one by Newt Gingrich, he of the "Contract On America" fame, on Amazon.

It only struck me later that the book is about battles, not wars and it is a history.  I have yet to read the section about the Tet Offensive in Vietnam.  While the Viet Cong may have been defeated as a strategic move the Tet Offensive accomplished two things: it shocked the American public ("I thought we were winning") and it removed the Viet Cong as a potential home-grown adversary to the inevitable victory.  This last is reminiscent of the Soviet Army halting their advance through Poland in July of 1945 to give the German army time to decimate the Polish partisans, effectively removing a source of opposition to their seizure of post-war power.

Battles are not wars.  Guerrilla warfare is a different situation.  I noted that there was no mention of Napoleon's Iberian campaign, arguably the first modern example of guerrilla warfare. Mathematical models in the 1960's predicted that guerrillas were more likely to lose because even though the probability of success in each engagement was large, the large number of actions reduced the probability of overall success was low.  I've always been cautious about accepting mathematical models as predictors of human behavior.  We're just too squirrelly. 

Current events (Afghanistan, Somalia, your suggestion here) with an opposition where death/martyrdom is interpreted as success suggest that if nation states have progressed beyond confrontation warfare (Hello, Iran?) in favor of letting proxies do their fighting (Hezbollah for Iran and Syria), battles will be few and far between.  What armies will be facing a continuing series of attacks.  With more advanced technology (remote controlled bombs) I would expect the balance of a war of attrition to shift in the favor of insurgents. 

An Interesting Watch

For reasons known only to those beaming thoughts into my brain I've been interested in watches.  (Note to self: double the thickness of my aluminum foil cap.)

This hasn't transformed into a watch collection.  (Full disclosure: a number of years ago I was about to bid on a vintage Breitling on eBay, but I couldn't find anyone who might wear it.  My father was happy with his Armitron.   Clients have given my brother expensive watches, but he doesn't usually wear, fearing that he'd lose them.  "The Rolex is nice," he said, "but it's too heavy."  He usually wears a plastic watch because he finds it's less trouble than checking his cell phone.)

Nevertheless, when I see an interesting watch I take note.  And here it is, a watch from Ziiiro. The leading edge of the outer ring indicates the minutes. The inner ring shows the hours.

They're girls!

Just recently I got an old 27" Sony TV for free on Craig's List to replace the much smaller TV fried by our local power company. I hoped that having the TV might interest my mother, giving her something to do other than nodding off over the papers.

I didn't realize how big and heavy it was, but with help from my brother we got it into the house. Getting the TV hooked up to cable required getting a new cable box because that too was fried in the power surges.

With the TV finally connected to cable a friend turned it on to see if something would interest my 92-year old mother. Flipping through the channels they found a broadcast of a local high school basketball game. My mother's eyesight has been getting worse, but after a short while she exclaimed, "They're girls!" Title IX made manifest.

My friend reported that my mother watched the whole rest of the game, switching away only during half-time and occasional breaks.

Counting Problems in the Pool

Yesterday was my first day back in the school's pool after the Holiday break. I usually swim a pair of laps in one style, then a pair of laps in another, etc. About half way through my usual routine I realized that I had not completed a pair of laps, but - brain cramp - started on the next style.

It reminded me of a joke from either Mad magazine or the National Lampoon which attributed the longevity of certain isolated villagers to their inability to count correctly.

Search around for a graphic for counting on my fingers I came across this:

Gas With Class

A number of years ago I remember reading about a group of guys at a party in Silicon Valley trying to guess the make of an exotic sports car.  None of them got it.  The car was either a Ferrari or Lamborghini.

This perplexed me because, living near some very wealthy neighborhoods, I get to see some expensive cars through the windshield of my 22 year old Honda Civic.  I would have expected that the guys in Silicon Valley would have seen more than their share of expensive cars.  Perhaps they do, but they don't remember or try to match the image with a label.

All this as a preface to say, hey, guess what pulled up next to me as I was getting gas (click the picture for a larger image):
I don't know if there are boasting rights associated with gettng gas the same place as a guy with a Lamborghini, but if there are I'd like them.  (The guy didn't take offense at being photographed. I appreciate that. A lot of people are bothered by photographed in public.)

I Get Dumped On

Or more accurately, a tree service offered 6 yards of wood chips fr free on Craig's List.  It turned out to be more chopped up pine boughs than chips.

I was concerned that Scott, guy with the truck, would arrive at the house, not see me, decide it was a hoax, and take off.  I was truly surprised to see that he'd backed his dump truck into the back yard and was dropping his load.  It wasn't as easy as it sounds: it had rained the night before and frozen so that the chips and pieces of branches at the bottom were frozen so they had to be scraped from the truck bed.  Also, being that he had an older truck the bed didn't angle as steeply as newer trucks so Scott had to leap with a rake to pull the stuff closest to the cab.  

I had a good time standing on the mounds as the pine scent rose about me.  It's been a long time since I've been in pines.  I asked them to keep me in mind the next time they had a load of chips.

Reading History in Barrons

I'm a little behind in my reading:  I just finished reading "Numbers Game" by Johnathan R. Laing from the September 13, 2004 edition of Barrons.  In the article he dissects the numbers at SPX, pointing out the artful accounting behind SPX's financial statements.

My general sense from the article was that the company boosted their numbers by overvaluing the "goodwill" of acquired companies, moved poorly performing businesses into "non-continuing operations", and other fancy financial footwork.  While the numbers were on the balance sheets, the ramifications would elude myself and most people in the stock market.

I'm hesitant to use the term "investors" as I think most people in the market have only a general idea of how businesses work.  Money rolls in and get spent.  We know that, but how does that relate to the price of the stocks we purchased.  "Investing" may be no more than trusting others by purchasing funds.  As Howard, my broker, likes to point out, people don't buy stocks, they buy stories.

I did some web searching to see that John Blystone, the CEO in the article, left the company 3 months after the article came out.  His retirement package was somewhat less than the bonanza he might have been expecting.  How did the company fare?  I took a look at finance.yahoo.com.  The stock price about the time the article was written seemed to be falling from $60 to about $40.  Pretty sickening, but nothing compared to its plunge from ~120 to ~33 in October of 2008.  I have no idea what that means.  I expect that  there is plenty of material for financial writers and social writers.

 

 It would be an interesting exercise to have finance students write a paper explaining the article for those like me.

Little Drummer Boy and Tool Porn

I had to move some money at the bank today.  (Yes I could have done it online, but it gives me an excuse to get some exercise and maybe look at stuff in the shopping center.)  Instead of coming directly back home I decided to take the great circle route back home: walking through the the shopping center, drop by the library, and then home.  It might have been about a mile, all told.

It was at a sporting goods store at 1:17 PM this afternoon that I heard my first "Little Drummer Boy" of the season.  Garrison Keillor weaves the "Little Drummer Boy" into his Pre-Christmas skits on Prairie Home Companion as a malevolent force, causing plagues, havoc to air travel, nausea to music lovers, etc.  Hearing it reminds me again why I listen to public radio.

Yesterday I spotted an ad for a $59 table saw at Lowe's.  I had to go to the Lowe's site to determine the brand.  Tradesman?  What's sort of brand was a Tradesman?

I wasn't the only one.  A quick web search turned up "Tradesman Table saw, junk, or worth $60? on lumberjocks.com.  The considered opinion that it was better to save your money for a better quality saw.  If you were really strapped for cash go ahead, but be forewarned that the rip fence didn't align correctly.  (I wandered around the net looking at portable table saws, aftermarket rip fences, advice about blade alignment, etc.  One thing led to another. I strayed into mechanics tools, ratchets and things.  I kept reminding myself that I had purchased a set of screw drivers with interchangeable sockets and bits a few months before.  I'd even used them.)

Nevertheless, the ad stoked tool lust, was barely sated by ogling the tools in Sears.  I'd like to do building stuff with my hands. Uncertainty about impending changes in employment has me heading to the economic mattresses, cautious about buying anything.

For the time being I'll just look and struggle with the conflicting desire to stay employed and having all the time I want to do whatever I want to do.

Black Friday Ads: Norelco Sensotouch

Thumbing through a Bed Bath and Beyond circular I spotted -  what the bleep was it?  A shaver with design award ambitions.  Then the price hit me.  $279.99!!

The Norelco Sensotouch Ultra 3D Deluxe Edition Electric Razor (to give its full name) may be filling a niche far beyond my ken: Masters of the Universe who need another overpriced article in their bathroom cabinet.

OK, I admit to leading a sheltered existence.  Minimal TV and public radio stations have shielded me from a lot of the hucksterism.  I get to see ads in the NY Times and learn about products primarily through its business section so I missed the introduction this past July.

A quick search of the web turned up a lot of laudatory reviews, but nothing ecstatic enough to make me even consider shaving again.

Tattoo Shirts Who Knew?

One of our profs kindly consented to create a video describing how she uses Twitter to keep connected to and motivate students in her classes.  During the initial e-mail discussions as to where and when, she jokingly asked for makeup and hair stylists.  I said sure and, knowing that she had some tattoos, I said I'd throw in a free tattoo.

I was thinking more along the lines of press-on/washable tattoos.  But as with almost everything else these days I turned to the web and turned up bewild.com (http://www.bewild.com/fubotashtacl.html) with "full body tattoo shirts".  Who knew?

I would have lucked out: the Womans Geisha Dragon Full Body Tattoo Shirt had just been reduced from $89 to $52. 

Of course, now that she's made the video I need to come up with something.  Instead of ordering over the web, I'll see if I can find something in a novelty or 5 and 10 cent store if they still exist.

What do you get a woman who's already got 5 or 6 tattoos?  Is this the same existential question as the perennial problem of getting something for someone who has everything?  (The answer to that problem is easy:  steal something from them and give it back.  Works every time.  My family's problem was slightly different.  My father would say that all he wanted to be left alone so we had to think of something for someone who didn't want anything.)

There's a post script to this.  I made the video on my own time.  The director, without asking permission from the prof linked to it from her blog.  Not polite in my estimation.  When I asked the prof about it, however, she said, sure, wasn't the whole world about her anyway.  (I'm always the last to know.)

Bleeping Power Company!

In the last few days we've had power surges and outages.  The toll so far:
2 TVs,
2 phone answering machines,
3 cable boxes,
1 cable modem,
1 vacuum cleaner,
1 computer (I think it's the power supply),
2 surge protectors,
and about 8 incandescent bulbs.

It is a "Gaslight" experience.  I'm in drag playing Ingrid Bergman with the power company playing Charles Boyer's part trying to drive me mad.  To drive home how apt the analogy is, consider this: we're the only house in the neighborhood having this problem.

If my mother were hooked to some medical apparatus we'd have been in deep doo-doo.

The next time someone refers to the web infrastructure as a utility just like phone and power I'll feel compelled to say something snarky.

Hey, I'm Sick

Last Thursday afternoon I left my breakfast in the wastebasket in the Computer Science lab.  It's been a long time since I had anything other than a cold or flu so this was a remarkable experience.  Perhaps most remarkable was that while I was heaving there were two students in the lab, so engrossed in their programming that they didn't notice.  (Perhaps that is so old fashioned.  More typical these days would be students engrossed by their smart phone.)

I still feel a little rocky, having difficulty swallowing, tightness in my chest, and an occasionally congealed feeling in my stomach.

It's unlikely that whatever it is will kill me, but it does lead to idle musing about something which seemed dismissible but wasn't.  I think of a former director's husband who had an annoying pain in his shoulder/back which turned out to be the first symptom of the cancer which killed him.

"The closest thing I have to vacation is sleep."

I ran up my sleep deficit a few days ago: staying up until 3 in the morning to get several teaching labs ready for the students.  I had help: my main squeeze and a guy from the Systems group who saved me from myself.  Both stayed until 3 AM.  I was back to teach a class at 9:05 that morning, tasting the fruits of my labor (I taught in one of the labs I set up), put in a regular day, staggered home about 8 PM and into my sleepers before 10 PM.

Now, a few days later, I chanced across an article about entrepeneurs ("Some Business Skills to Go With the Passion", NY Times, F6, August 26, 2010) in which Ms Saudia Davis who started an environmentally friendly cleaning service is quoted: "The closest thing I have to vacation is sleep."

I understand the sentiment.

Rostenkowski RIP

Dan Rostenkowski (January 2, 1928 - August 11, 2010) served 18 terms in Congress and 17 months in jail.

Will similar expressions be the usual summation of political careers?  I have a faint memory of a politician (Wayne Morse?) who said that he was leaving politics "unbowed and unindicted."

Bar Codes

I went into the city to watch the fireworks yesterday. The most memorable part for me was reading an article in Government Technology about Web 2.0 technology in Manor Texas (pop 5,000). (I'm not a lot of fun at parties.  To appropriate Don Rickles description of Johnny Carson: I'm the guy who sits in the corner and watches the avocado dip turn black.)  They, or rather their 23 year old CIO, Dustin Haisler, put 2-D bar codes all over town including City Hall.

Thinking that the idea might be applicable to the University I forwarded the article to two guys in web development.

It took a few minutes during which I located a 2D bar code generator/decoder (Qr-code) and then an unzipper (jZip) to unZip a rar file for me to think: "Hey!  T-shirts!"  I could have spared myself the exclamation points and thinking about commercializing it.  People were way ahead of me.  When a search engine prompts you with your brilliant idea you know the idea is past its sell by date.  From zazzle.com:

We'll see soon enough if the University already had its own 2-D bar code initiative underway.

Practical Advice from Patti Smith

There is this gem within Patti Smith's May 24, 2010 commencement address at Pratt Institute:

"I say this because you want at night to be pacing the floor because your muse is burning inside of you, because you want to do your work, because you want to finish that canvas, because you want to make that design, because you want to help your fellow man. You don't want to be pacing because you need a damn root canal." The take-home message? "Floss, you know, use salt, baking soda, get them professionally cleaned, you know, for a bit, take care of your damn teeth."

- http://www.mediabistro.com/unbeige/education/patti_smith_to_pratt_grads_be_happy_take_care_of_your_teeth_162167.asp

I saw it in the NY Times (June 21, 2010), the same article quoted Glenn Beck's address to Liberty University: "Shoot to kill."

I'll take Patti Smith.

Mother and Child are Doing Fine

One of the directors had a child a week or so ago.  The announcement ended with "Mother and child are doing fine."  That's nice, but there is some mystery here.  (She's got to be in her mid to late 40's.  Who was the father?  Did she feel her biological clock ticking a la Marisa Tomei in "My cousin Vinny"?)

It's none of my business of course, but the photos of mother and child started me thinking.  Thinking may be the wrong term.  Let's just say that the next day the thought struck me that mother and newborn child pictures could be like the photo setups in carnivals: mother and father stick their heads through a cutout.  An appropriate colored baby is inserted and there you go: the happy family's first picture.

Musing on the subject I regretted my lack of Photoshop expertise.  Just think how tiny baby fangs would look.  Or how about a little tail poking out of it's blanket - a baby Splice?

Donburi for $2.99

If there was any doubt that the suburbs have become more ethnically diverse, a recent supermarket flier should lay that to rest.

I have no idea if $2.99 for 11.29 oz of Ajinomoto Donburi is a good price, let alone what Donburi is.  (Thank goodness for the web: from www.japan-guide.com/e/e2342.html"I learned that donburi is a general term for 'bowl'.  However, it also popularly refers to a bowl of cooked rice with some other food served on top of it.")  A closer look at the ad shows a simplified oriental script beneath each description.  Kanji? Hangul/Chosongul?

Does this have ramifications?  Does it mean that the Chinatowns, Little Koreas, Little Indias in the city will lose customers as those shopping for ethnic supplies shop closer to home?  Check back in 5 years.

Forwarded Insults

I received a forwarded email from a friend (see below) entitled "When Insults Had Class‏".  I was annoyed for several reasons:

• My friend didn't have enough courtesy to remove all the other names when forwarding e-mail or to use a BCC.
• The famous poison quote between Winston Churchll and Lady Astor was probably mangled.
• All the quotes seemed to come from a single web site.  I thought it would have been more intellectually honest to include several quotes and a link to the web site with the quotes: http://msbookish.com/the-art-of-the-insult/.  
• One of my favorite quotes was mangled and mis-attributed.

 The Churchill response to Astor was probably "I would take it." or "I would eat it."  I remember Churchill's phrasing seemed odd.  Also I do not believe Astor used conjunctions.

Instead of the phrase "unspeakable disease" the original of my favorite insult was closer to "Sir, you will surely die on the gallows or of the pox." ("The pox" referred to syphilis.")  Although the exchange may have been recycled to address Disreali, the original was surely earlier.  See for example: http://www.rateitall.com/i-42795-egad-sir-i-do-not-know-whether-you-will-die-on-the-gallows-or-of-the-pox-that-will-depend-my-lord-on-whether-i-embrace-your-principles-or-your-mistress-john-wilkes-to-the-earl-of-sandwich.aspx.  (This insult was a personal favorite of mine after hearing a review of a book I thought was called, "The Art of the Insult".  I have been unable to find a book of that name.)

I found a web site which had the same text as the forwarded e-mail and asked my friend why the guy who sent him the list of insults (which is a worthy list, make no mistake about that), didn't just send the URL (http://msbookish.com/the-art-of-the-insult/).  

There are plenty of links which turn up if you search for "When Insults Had Class‏", most contain the same insults, but he one I found missing was Jack E. Leonard's "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."

Of course, if one wants to be witty, there's this wonderful caution from Dorothy Parker's:

If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.

How about this?  I thought it was associated with the British politician Fox:  When a British politician was dying, one of his critics came to visit.  The critic was turned away by the houseman who explained that his master was indisposed.  When the politician was told who had come calling, he said, "If he calls again show him up.  If I am alive I will be glad to see him.  If I am dead he will be glad to see me."

And although it was probably much wittier in French, it works well in English.  Voltaire replied to a critic:  "Sir, I am in the smallest room in my house.  Your letter is before me.  It will soon be behind me."  (The translation may be inaccurate because I don't believe indoor plumbing was available in Voltaire's day.  The original might be closer to the smallest room I own, and the translation makes it more accessible to us now.  Be that as it may, I love it.)

---

When Insults Had Class These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." -  Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial" - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Outstand Young Man of America

One of the profs is retiring at the end of this semester after 30 years at the University. ("I've served the university 30 years - 5 years more than one gets for murder.")

One of his favorite set pieces highlights his multiple degrees: "If a couple comes to me for advice I have to ask them who they're coming to see: If they're asking me in my capacity as a rabbi they want me to keep them together. If they're asking me as a psychologist they want me to approve the decision they've already made. And, if they're asking me as a lawyer, they're asking me to make the divorce happen."  I guess he couldn't work in his rank as a Marine captain.

When I expressed surprise that he wasn't taking most of his plaques and awards he said I could have them.  If I didn't come by to pick them up they were going into the trash.  My interest, quite frankly, was in the frames, not the awards and certificates.

When I went over to get them just the other day I passed the prof in the parking lot.  "I left a knife for you on the frames - I can't take it with me on the plane and I don't think it's worth packing."  Oh, cool.  I had visions of a Bowie knife.  It turned out to be a quality folding knife.  In contrast with the fastidiousness of the instructor, there was schmutz on the blades.  I thought it odd.  It was if he had used the knife to cut an apple and neglected to wipe off the blade.  Also, one of the points was broken.  Not something I'd expect of someone so neat, fastidious really, and careful in his writing and spoken word.

Outstanding young man? I thought you'd never ask.  One of the plaques cited him as an "Outstanding Young Man of America".  I presumed it was one of those scams like "Who's Who in Floor Waxing", but no, if Wikipedia can be believe, he was in an exclusive club with some very impressive people.  Only 10 people are chosen each year.  The award was rename to Outstanding Young American several years after he was chosen.  See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Outstanding_Young_Americans.

A Camera for My Main Squeeze

An e-mail from MicroCenter advertised a very good buy on a camera which had very nice consumer reviews.  When I called My Main Squeeze to ask if she'd mind if I bought it for her, she was hesitant about carrying something which might be expensive and attractive to thieves.

Knowing my finances and my reluctance to part with money, she should have known that it couldn't be very expensive.  Still she was concerned because it would look new.  I overcome her concern by promising to reduce the camera's appeal by sticking some duct tape on it.

She's now off to a conference with a brand new camera accessorized with a patch of duct tape.  There are so many  buttons, knobs, and functional areas on the camera that need to be exposed, that I could only put a 1"x2" strip of tape on one side. 

Muscles to Smile

I wanted to quote Prairie Home Companion: It takes 41 muscles to smile, but only 4 to give them the finger.   It was a new twist on the common expression that it takes more muscles to smile than to frown and I wanted to cite the correct number of muscles.

When I turned to the web for an answer I found that the answer is actually unknown (snopes.com).    Answers.com got David H. Song of University of Chicago Hospitals to enumerate the number of muscles as 12 to smile and 11 to frown.   (In counting the muscles ("A genuine smile takes two muscles to crinkle the eyes, two to pull up the lip corners and nose, two to elevate the mouth angle, and two to pull the mouth corners sideways. Total smile: 12.")  I come up with 8.  Perhaps "lips and nose" meant two muscles each.)

The Answers.com article also pointed to the ability of human's to distinguish sincere smiles by the recognizing the small but characteristic changes to the eyes and nose in a real smile.

Snopes provided a jibe from Auburn's basketball coach, Sonny Smith, at his rival, Wimp Sanderson: Sanderson's smile led Smith to conclude that Sanderson was suffering from muscle fatigue.

My only contribution to the number of muscles to frown vs the number of muscles to smile literature is this:  "Frown: consider it an aerobic workout for your face."

Nose Job

My brother decided that a spot on my nose needed the attention of a dermatologist. I searched through my parents' phone book to find the dermatologist who looked at my nose when my father told me to have someone look at a spot on my nose. (I told my father that he could look at the spot on my nose right then for free, but he'd better hurry because the price was going up soon. He was not amused.)

That time the doctor said that it was nothing to worry about. This time the dermatologist looked at me with sorrowful eyes and said the only hope was for me to join the Tea Party and vote Republican. Seeing the tears brimming in my eyes he offered an alternative: he'd lend me a razor and the use of his tub.  For slightly more he'd lend me a gun and guide me to the men's room.

What actually happened was that he said my skin was pretty good for my age and that if I wanted he could scrape the spot off, but it wasn't necessary.  bye.  See you in October.

The Morning the Milking Was Finished

I stumbled across the article, "The Morning the Milking Was Finished" on the day it was written, February 3rd of this year. The single column article by Peter Applebome described how in the morning of January 21 Dean Pierson, 59, a dairy farmer in Copake, New York, finished the morning milking and then shot each of his 51 cows. He then killed himself.

An extension agent was quoted: “They lost money on every cow every day of every month last year.” The author probably paraphrased the family vet wrote: "Being a good farmer gave Dean Pierson a life where you worked a 15-hour day and at the end of it handed someone a $100 bill for the privilege."

When people I know complain about overwork and under paid, I usually make a comment about stoop labor or share croppers. This bleak story of a man who strained to maintain a way of life against economic pressures will be what I cite.

A Peculiar Smell

Last week I noticed a peculiar chemical odor in the air.  The smell had a hint of rubber.  It didn't seem to come from a particular direction so my first thought was something from airplanes.  On the third day I realized that it was the smell of spring. 

It's been a long time.