Bad Idea T-shirts

Bad Idea T-shirts provided a bit of joy this weekend. Our society has been criticized for getting its wisdom from bumper stickers and T-shirts. This post isn't going to help.  The graphics aren't particularly good, but I liked some of what I saw:

"Some people are like Slinkies: They aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it?

"DADD: Dads Against Daughters Dating - Shoot the first one and the word gets around"

Is this is a corollary to Dan Hedaya's line in Clueless? IMDB lists the quote as "Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you." I prefer the way I remember it: "I've got a .45 and a shovel. I know how to use both."

And while stumbling through the quotes for Clueless I tripped over this exchange:
 
Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What's seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows.



When I sent a friend in western Virginia the "paddle faster" image he responded that it was a common bumper stickers around there.  It made him nervous.

One-of-a-kind Excursions

A link from ThrillList lead me to Excursionist™which promises "Travel tailored to your passions".

There's a lure for some, but not for me.  While others dream of schussing down remote peaks, horseback safaris, going on archeological disks, I still fantasize that someday I'll have enough time to read the NY Times every day and make headway against my to-read list.

Camel adventures in the Sahara, Holi in Jaipur, dog sledding in Norway, and on.  It's got to be my sour outlook that squashed the appeal of travel.  The fill-in parts of traveling - making reservations, arrangements, waiting here and waiting there, the parts that are not in the snapshots - seem so off putting.

I love to hear about my brother's experiences, climbing rickety stairs to the best noodle shop in Dam Ca Na or consulting on new restaurants in Japan, or my former kennel boy explaining the difficulty of bus travel in Java and the wilting heat on the Arabian peninsula - all great stories, to hear, but not something I want to do.

For those who still have money and need something to talk about it should be great.  I'm content to read about it in the times.

Oh, just remembered: the only time I felt a strong need to travel was way back when I was a freshman in college.  It was a speech class, a guy in Air Force ROTC was giving a talk about the wonders of Bermuda, with pink sandy beaches, warm tropical breezes, and crystal clear water.  He had a travel posted taped to the wall.  Outside the wind was howling, lashing snow against the windows.  Yeah, I wanted to be in Bermuda. 
The feeling has past.

Do Not Wash or Play

I picked up a hat on the street today which has unique care instructions.  (The white line is an artifact of the office scanner.)

What happens if the hat is washed?  Can parents be charged with endangering the welfare of child if the child starts waving the hat around?  Should I destroy the hat lest it fall into the wrong hands?

Life used to be so simple.

I emailed this along to a friend who surprised me with a reply which was more thoughtful than the message:

Perhaps we humans, or at least some of us, should have similar tags.  Those instructions would presumably be treated with the same respect as the one on the cap  (to be honored in the breach thereof)

Do not abuse this person in any way
Do not hurt this person.
Not a toy
Wash gently in warm water

Harry  (whose tag apparently got ripped off early in life, perhaps as collateral damage during a ritual cutting performed on most males in our culture)

Swapping Sylvester Stallone's Mother for David Beckham

In the course of his interview with On the Media Paul McMullan, a News of the World reporter, mentioned swapping Sylvester Stallone's mother phone number for David Beckham's. His point very simply was that he was giving the public what they wanted.

If the public didn't buy what the papers pandered the paper wouldn't shovel it. Drug dealers use the same rationale.

Paul McMullan gained notoriety as the journalist, who, after being tipped off by a cop, about Jennifer Elliot (Denholm Elliot's daughter) desperate search for drugs, persuaded her to pose topless. With the unerring logic of humiliation Jennifer Elliot eventually committed suicide.  The interview is worth a listen.

Higher Gossip

"Higher Gossip" is a newly published collection of pieces by the late John Updike.  Updike was almost universally acknowledged as one of the finest writers America produced.  The excerpts in the NY Times review by Michiko Kakutani (Last Notes From a Man of Letters, November 29, 2011) provides ample support for his stature as a wordsmith.

He describes Kurt Vonnegut’s view of the universe as “basically atrocious, a vast sea of cruelty and indifference”

He describes Raymond Carver as managing to carve from a “near wreck of a life” — penury, heavy drinking, illness — “stories of exquisite directness, polish and calm that sit in the mind like perfect porcelain teacups,” though they often depict lives “beneath the threshold of any aspiration higher than day-to-day survival.”  

He writes about the resentment younger writers may feel toward “the gray-haired scribes” who “continue to take up space and consume the oxygen in the increasingly small room of the print world.” 

Definitely on the list to read.